TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction Dedication Acknowledgements

CHAPTER 1: Boredom

CHAPTER 2: Depression 

CHAPTER 3: The Other Man

CHAPTER 4: Boundaries 

CHAPTER 5: Following Your Heart

CHAPTER 6: Losing Him

CHAPTER 7: Mentally Ill

CHAPTER 8: Music Therapy

CHAPTER 9: Explanation

CHAPTER 10: Mother-in-Law

CHAPTER 11: Relapse

CHAPTER 12: Hospitalization

CHAPTER 13: Group Therapy

CHAPTER 14: Patients’ Rights

CHAPTER 15: Final Exam

CHAPTER 16: Obsession

CHAPTER 17: Professor

CHAPTER 18: Physical Abuse

CHAPTER 19: Oppositional Defiant Disorder

CHAPTER 20: Telekinesis

CHAPTER 21: Wedding About the Author Contact Information References

“To God be the Glory.”

CHAPTER 1

Boredom

Anika begins to lose her mind. While continuing to stare at the television set, Anika sees a vision of Jesus. He appears to her in just as perfect form and image as the paintings on Mary’s wall. She then hears Jesus speak, “I am the son of God.” Then just as fast as he appears, he leaves her vision.

“Did you see him? Did you see Jesus?” Anika turns and looks at her friends. Words are stuck within their throats.

“Did you see him? Did you see Jesus?” Anika repeats once more.

“Anika, you’re really scaring us. I thought you were Muslim?” Mary says.

Anika then feels as if someone was controlling her thoughts.

“Forgive yourself.”

She then begins to ramble, “Atoms are neither created nor destroyed. There was always an existence. You must take baby steps to understand how this existence works, where we came from, how it started. Don’t jump from A to Z.

No, you must go from A to C. Take a break. It has been painted. There was nothing; it was blackness, pitch blackness. Yes, there was a black hole. A plumber can understand the black hole. There was a white light. The creator is positive energy.

We all have a little bit of positive energy. A person of positivity can change your life without saying a word. We try to increase positive energy which is the same as increasing spiritually. Once we are of that same positivity as the creator, we become one with him. Only a few souls have reached this level of existence. The rest of us are growing spiritually so we can reach that level. “

It appears to Anika that she is making sense as she begins to explain herself, justifying her words.

“Positive times positive equals positive. Negative times positive equals negative. Therefore, if you have any negativity in you, you cannot become one with positivity.”

“The creator is all positive energy. Negative times negative equals positive. If you learn from loads of negativity you will learn from your mistakes and become all positive. It’s mathematics. Everything stems from mathematics. Less than a cup of wine is what I need to rest. Don’t want to scare away this beautiful spirit controlling my thoughts.”

While holding the sides of her head trying to rid her racing thoughts, she runs into the kitchen and pours herself a cup of wine. She then thinks, “no one will ever have to go through what I went through again!”

Anika begins to examine her past to see how in the world she got to this point in her life.

The beating sounds of her alarm chimes loudly. The time is 3:00 a.m. and Anika dreams of black pearl surroundings, a flash of white light, the sun, moon, and planets charging towards her. Is this a dream; a nightmare? She quivers with icy cold fear and takes three elongated, profound breaths while apprehensively awakening out of her deep slumber. She looks at her clock, turns on her light and succinctly glances at her watch and says with a tone of distress, “Damn!”

She springs up like a chicken with its head cut off and grabs a few articles of clothing. Dressing quickly, she leaves, slamming the door behind her. She steps into her 1985 lackluster blue-black Ford to embark on a long journey to see Mosi, the love of her life, her first love, the man whom she one day hopes to marry. An eternity can pass while she will still be waiting, ring finger pointed, for his hand in marriage.

Performing her daily ritual, Anika buckles her seat belt, starts her engine, and puts in her music; the music that makes her feel at home, the music that makes her feel love for herself and others. The joy of music is what holds her together. It is what gives her the stamina to struggle through life’s trials and tribulations.

She can now drive, for she has found that right song for that right moment. She loves her city Saint Petersburg. Born and raised, never leaving, you would think she was the mayor. Amidst nightfall throttled by chalked fog, she observes American flags swaying from pole to pole, grounded outside of each storefront, lining the streets.

Her eyes gleam past bravery crimson and glance at the purity of a royal sky filled with opal stars which to her, represents peace and tranquility, freedom, choice, love, honor, and the hope of fulfilling the “American Dream.” She envisions buildings of grandeur; corporations! She feels she can have anything she desires; anything she lays her eyes upon… anything. She is aware of how corporate America chooses to advertise; the colors they use, the words used, the symbols they use.

Anika is ultra- aware of her desire to have what it takes to succeed in life and makes it a priority to make a mental note of each detail so that she can incorporate these things in her own plan to be successful. The creativity and material possessions are what she seeks; not to mention the cute outfits and jewelry clad upon the wives of these business owners. She will figure it out and she will live a parallel life.

As if in a trance, she remains content as she listens to her music. She knows there are strategic steps to take to acquire the material possessions that she wants. She exhales, inhales, and then exhales once more. She’s so confident. She can stare at anything she chooses and still drive, without losing focus. Through her car mirrors she sees everything. No need to worry. She fast-forwards her CD to one of her favorite songs. This song reminds her of God.

She begins to sing “Lord you’re my everything,” and repeats it over and over, again. Before she knows it, she has made it to her anticipated destination. Excitedly, Anika leaps out of her car, runs up to his door, and knocks. After the third knock, here he bolts up to the door like he’s spider man. Mosi greets her with a hug. He is a towering, slender, healthy, well-built man. He gives off an air of confidence that would make any woman melt down to her knees.

He’s rough though; rough around the edges. He is her opposite, but it was when he first spoke to her that she was all too aware, that he was the one for her. He was so down-to- earth; an honest, faithful, and loyal man who would never leave her side. She was sure of it!

Anika met Mosi while she was a student in one of her business courses. He had his eye on her during the entire semester, but never said a word. He was swept away by her beauty. If it were any other time, and with any other woman, he would have approached her as if he were a jungle predator, but around Anika he remained without words. Anika had to be the one to initiate conversation. She, too, had her eyes on him until the semester’s end. In the last month of classes, she realized she would have to make the first move.

It was on a Friday, she remembers, right after Christmas. She arrived ten minutes early to class, for she knew he would be the only one waiting for class to start. And she would have her opportunity to speak to him with no interference from other classmates. She gathered her uneasy nerves and spoke.

“Did you get anything good for Christmas?” she asked.

He was startled by her voice. So much time had passed with her never having spoken a word to him before this. He swallowed and fought to utter just one word. His first words stumbled off his tongue.

“I, I had a good Christmas. I got a lot of gifts. How about you?” Mosi asked. Anika was then struck with words of a

player. "I wish I would have had you for Christmas." Anika said. 

This broke the ice, and they began to chuckle.

Before meeting Anika, Mosi was a player. He didn’t believe in being faithful to one woman. He thought monogamy was a belief held only by the insane. Handsome man that he is, women catered to him. He didn’t have to lift a finger. He had one woman who would clean for him, one who would run his errands, and one who was available for sex day and night.

Anika, to Mosi, is a wonder woman. She is a beautiful young Capricorn born in January and unknowingly surrounded in purple rain, which is the natural color of her aura. She has a petite seducing figure; curvy like an hour-glass. Her long jet-black hair shines as it flows down her slender back and her flawless coffee skin is as beautiful and smooth as silk and satin.

She is kind to a fault and is forever reaching out to those in need, which sometimes can pull her into what some people may see as, ‘drama.’ She portrays herself as an extremely approachable woman from the wild color selection of her clothes to the type of jewelry she wears. She’s what some people may call eccentric; although people know she can be trusted and will undoubtedly solve all things through love.

Mosi smiles; his bleached snow-white teeth are lined in a row of perfection. The warmth of his smile takes her breath away, every time. Inhale, pause, exhale, pause, inhale, pause, exhale, pause. His jaw thrust forward, and he kisses her softly curled plum lips. The corners of her mouth turns upwards, as she returns his kiss.

“So how was the long drive baby?” Mosi asks as his aroused pupils welcome her into his lavish home. His home looks as though it was decorated by a professional interior designer. A late renaissance canvas covers his beige walls. His ivory ceiling appears to rise with no end in sight, and his eggshell carpet feels of rabbit’s fur. He wears the finest clothes; nothing different than name brands.

“Fine, I love to drive,” Anika replies.

He fixes her a late-night snack. They both sit on his leather chaise and enjoy watching television on his 65-inch. Anika’s eyes begin to look peaked; as she dozes off. Mosi awakens her with his sexy voice.

“You’re not falling asleep already, are you?” he asks as his u-shaped grin presses up against his dimples. She does not reply, but attempts to awaken as she staggers towards the bedroom. She knows what it is he wants without “nary” a word spoken.